Low Blows

Britney. Paris. Barack? Before I could finish my Lohan, the McCain campaign reminded me of another vapid celebrity. You know, that smart, articulate, popular, hopeful guy running for president. Barack Obama. Yeah, the name doesn't really ring a bell, so I'm so grateful for the McCain campaign. They filled me in on who this guy really is: a smart, articulate, popular and hopeful guy running for president.

How can this guy be president? He hates NASCAR and babies. He reads books. He consults intelligent people when he wants good insight. He speaks in complete sentences. We want doers and deciders, not thinkers and, uh, undeciders, Barry.

It's nothing new in American politics. Archaeologists have just unearthed documents that reveal similar accusations took place in the great Lincoln Douglas debates of 1858.

Douglas: This lanky man is just another vacuous, Johnny Come Lately celebrity. He's no different than that opinionated hussy of yesteryear, Dolly Madison (Note to readers: it was difficult to find a suitable 19th century comparison to Britney Spears. Dolly will have to do.).

Lincoln: You know what they're saying. He's got a funny sounding name. He doesn't look like those other presidents on wooden nickels, or whatever we're using for currency nowadays.

Douglas: Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Missouri!

Lincoln: Have you seen the price of buttermilk lately?

Douglas: Buttermilk? Elitist!

Well, folks, history repeats itself.

In case you've been living under a poli-rock for the last week, JMac's crew unveiled this gem:


Others, like the folks at Progressive Accountability (work on that name), counterattacked with this ad. It speaks louder but it isn't very funny.


Britney and Paris were just the beginning. Race reared its head into the campaign on Wednesday, when Barack spoke in Missouri and, a bit later in the day, JMac accused the jedi of playing the ol' race card.

Saddened that JMac, the once noble maverick, has gone so low? WVPC is too. However, it might be the only way he can win. While many predicted that these tactics would backfire, the jedi's camp already said they did.

Get ready for more of the same, WVPC nation. Mudslinging. Feces flicking. Turd tossing. The good discourse is over, as are the decent metaphors for throwing proverbial insults in the form of human waste.

We try to avoid partisan jabs on this site (oh, who are we kidding), but, John, you drove us to them. 2000 was a long time ago, you desperate old man.